Parents of children and young adults with OCD have many questions they’d like to ask their kids about OCD, and we, the members of the Young Adult Special Interest Group, certainly have a number of things we’d like to ask our parents.
In this blog series, young adults with OCD answer some of the most common questions parents or loved ones have based on their own experiences!
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Disclaimer: all responses are based on personal lived experience rather than clinical training. This blog series is meant to provide insight into what one’s experience with OCD might be like and is in no way intended to serve as professional advice. For professional advice, please seek a trained and licensed clinician.
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Definitions
SIG: Special Interest Group
Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP: the “gold-standard” treatment for OCD, ERP is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy focused on exposing oneself to thoughts, feelings, or images that provoke anxiety which provoke anxiety and, after triggering this anxiety, not engaging in compensatory or compulsive behaviors.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT: a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, sometimes used in conjunction with ERP for OCD, that uses acceptance and mindfulness skills along with behavioral changes to increase psychological flexibility.
Behavioral Activation: a therapy designed for treating mood disorders that encourages engaging in positive and enjoyable activities in order to lift one’s mood.
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Anonymous: I have two pieces of advice for this:
First, it’s important to understand that there can be a lot of shame involved with OCD. Even young children might know that the compulsions they’re doing are irrational, and that can sometimes make them feel embarrassed – my own compulsive behaviors started when I was about five years old, and I was embarrassed about them even at that age. I unfortunately didn’t see a therapist until later in life, but I think that if I had seen one as a child, it would have helped immensely in dealing with those feelings of shame.
So my first piece of advice is to have your child speak with a therapist who specializes in OCD, if they aren’t already. If you have any way of connecting them with other kids who have OCD, that can be helpful as well. Even in my own experience as an adult connecting with other people who have OCD, I can say it makes a big difference in my self-confidence and comfort in opening up to see that I’m not the only one with this disorder and that what I’m going through is normal.
My second piece of advice is to be patient with your child if they don’t feel comfortable talking about their OCD yet outside of a therapy setting. In my own OCD journey, opening up to people was something I really needed to do at my own pace, when I was ready. And the people I’ve opened up to about it were the ones who I most felt would be nonjudgmental and supportive. You’re already doing the right thing by asking questions through a forum like this, and showing genuine care about what your child is going through. That sort of attitude is something that kids notice and remember, and in my view, will make them be more likely to open up to you about it when they’re ready.
Kyle: The short answer is – certainly not in my case. When my OCD was at its worst, I rarely talked to my parents, especially about OCD. And I think I was so reluctant to speak for a couple reasons. First, living with overwhelming OCD is terrifying and overwhelming and, in the midst of all that, I was just generally irritable. Second, I felt like when my parents tried to talk to me about OCD, they’d most often just point out compulsions and push me to work on them. My OCD didn’t like that and, because my OCD and I were intertwined then, I didn’t like it much either. Probably most importantly, though, I could feel in my parents voice how badly they wanted me to recover so, whenever we spoke about OCD, I just felt like I was letting them down. And that sucked.
As far as advice, despite what I said above, I do think parents should push their kids to do exposures. Or, at least, not let them off the hook if they try to avoid exposures. I’m eternally grateful to my parents for pushing me in that direction. I acknowledge that this is exceptionally hard, to be tough on your kid when they are suffering, but I would not be free from OCD today had it not been for my parents. Also, it would have been nice if my parents started any conversation by letting me know that they had seen me working hard, acknowledge any wins I had had that week, before talking about anything negative. This maybe would have made it all feel less disappointing.
The post Common Parent Questions, Answered by Young Adults with Lived Experience appeared first on International OCD Foundation.
