Quieting the Chaos — Living with OCD

By Jack

When I was in elementary and middle school, my mind was ravaged by constant OCD intrusive thoughts and obsessions, mainly about harming myself and others and whether I would act on these violent thoughts. These thoughts plagued me to the point where I would act out and cause chaos in class to quiet the chaos in my head for a moment. 

OCD often attacks what you love the most and I loved being in school!  That’s why my OCD was targeting that environment. All my teachers really wanted to help me but they misunderstood the disorder and lacked basic knowledge to help me, let alone identify what was happening to me. They believed that removing me from class and not allowing me to be triggered by things like knives in art class and dark topics in the classroom would be the best way to help me.

Before receiving the correct diagnosis, my family had little understanding of the disorder. My parents, my teachers and I were confused on how to help me and keep me in the classroom. After my diagnosis, my mom immediately took it upon herself to spread awareness, including sharing specific Exposure Response Prevention tactics (ERP, the gold standard treatment for OCD) with my teachers and beyond. My teachers and administrators were on the same page as my parents and my care team. Whether it was my science teacher giving me a safe space to cool down, or my art teacher actively engaging in exposure situations that were rooted in ERP, by gently pushing me to use the clay knives required to make a clay bird (which my mom still treasures). I finally felt that I had support in school, retraining my brain and responding differently to my many obsessions. 

OCD can show itself in many forms and many students, like me, suffer in silence without proper support. I would love for school professionals to have specific knowledge of OCD, especially the less understood, Harm OCD, like I have, and be able to communicate and help plan helpful accommodations, if needed, for students with OCD to keep them in school. 

OCD is incredibly cruel and I soon learned that giving up, and not going to school would not help me; but with the right care team, pushing back on OCD and exposure to my debilitating obsessions was the only way to fight. Along with the right treatment plan, the support and understanding of my teachers and family in tandem with my own struggle and perseverance allowed me to graduate and live my life with relief. My wish is that everyone could understand all the ways that kids suffer from this disorder, and be able to effectively help with the right tools and compassion, which is what all teachers strive for.

While every experience with OCD is unique, far too many kids and families face the same barriers to getting answers and effective treatment. See what new IOCDF findings reveal about pediatric OCD care—and what we can do to change it—in Losing Childhood to America’s OCD Care Crisis.